Phase 1 resources

When I was first introduced to the Busting Loose model, my knee-jerk reaction was that all Phase 1 teachings and treatments were "wrong." Further reading and listening, however, revealed that Robert Scheinfeld did not necessarily advocate rejecting all Phase 1 resources out of hand.

He recommended living in reactive mode and availing myself of whatever educational opportunities and therapies I liked. He said that a Phase 1 resource, when it was accessed by a Phase 2 Player, became a Phase 2 resource. That is, a Phase 2 Player would extract different support from a Phase 1 resource than a Phase 1 Player would extract.

This weekend I participated in a seminar called the Advancement of Excellence. It is the third in a series of self-development seminars offered by Excellence Seminars in Canada (and by Context International in other countries).

Although it is a Phase 1 series of courses that involves goal setting, being proactive, and other strategies that are superfluous to Phase 2, I nonetheless have found it invaluable. Through these courses, I have gotten to know myself way, way better than I knew myself before. Exercises that I did and feedback that my fellow participants have given me have served as a sort of mirror that has reflected back to me an image rather different from the one that I had before.

One of the things that has been revealed to me during these seminars is that what I want often is different from what I had thought I wanted. In the past my wish list tended to be filtered through my internal censor, who tended to be politically correct. For example, I might not have admitted to wanting a certain thing because it was something that I had equated with selfishness.

Once I got over my initial surprise -- I would even go so far as to say shock -- I found myself liking this person whom I had just met. In my Total Immersion Movie she is a character called Judy Roberts.

Enlightenment For Dummies

One of the things I like about Robert Scheinfeld's writing is its accessibility. I find the Busting Loose model easy to understand.

The ideas are not always easy to implement, mind you. When a so called problem has me by the throat, as Robert puts it, I can struggle as much as the next person. But the concepts are simple.

For that reason I consider Robert's work to be ideal for the person who is in the early stages of switching from an ego-based orientation to a heart-based or intuitive orientation, as some people call it.

I believe it's a significant accomplishment to explain a proposition in such a way that an ordinary person can understand it. So, when I refer to Robert's teaching as Enlightenment For Dummies, I consider it to be a high compliment.

Mental Health

The other day I wondered, just out of idle curiosity, what a Phase 1 Player would think if they knew my emotional state and understood my circumstances -- insofar as those circumstances were being portrayed in the Total Immersion Movie that is my life. They would see a person in a precarious financial situation who nonetheless was happy.

It occurred to me that they might think I was nuts. They might perceive an inconsistency between my so called reality and my response to that "reality."

For quite a while now -- let's say a couple of weeks -- my mood has been remarkably consistent. I've been cheerful most of the time. I've been aware of what has been going on around me. At times a part of me has felt afraid. But, even during my moments of fear, there has been another part of me that has been joyful.

I have found myself simultaneously carrying contradictory feelings. The so called negative feeling has not drowned the so called positive feeling. If anything, it's been the other way round. The so called positive feeling has prevailed, no matter what.

A couple of days ago I shared this with someone whom I regard as an enlightened person, although she is not a student of Robert Scheinfeld. She told me that the theologian, Carline Myss, had written about this phenomenon. Apparently Myss has stated that, to a person living an ego-based existence, a mystic and a psychotic look the same.

In Myths of light : Eastern metaphors of the eternal, Joseph Campbell wrote, "The psychotic is drowning in these waters, while the yogi is swimming."

I feel as if I'm doing the doggy paddle, and I appreciate that.

Appreciating my creations

Just a bit more than a year into Phase 2, it really is starting to sink in for me that I create everything in my hologram. As Robert Scheinfeld says, "If you're aware of it, you created it."

One point of clarification before I continue. When Robert says, "You created it," he means that my Expanded Self created it. He does not mean that I, the Player in the Earth Amusement Park, created it.

At first I found it difficult to believe Robert when he said that I would come to appreciate all my creations, no matter how abhorent they seemed to be from a Phase 1 point of view. However, that now is starting to happen for me.

There are a few people in my hologram who, according to the storyline, are at loggerheads with one another. I'm tied to them through a business venture. On the surface of it, their intransingence has the potential to deal a severe blow to my net worth. According to conventional thinking, a single woman of 57 would have little chance of recovering from a financial reversal such as the one I am facing.

When dynamics like this unfolded back when I was in Phase 1, I would go into full panic mode. Well, I might not have been in my current situation to start with, because I took far fewer risks. But, in spite of my best efforts to stay safe, I still got into hot water.

Historically, my reactions included feeling pity for someone whom I perceived to be a victim and indignation towards someone whom I perceived to be a bully. I would try to rescue the victim. Depending on the situation, this might take the form of soothing their feelings, assuming burdens on their behalf, trying to slay dragons, mediating, or all of the above.

Now I find myself watching the drama unfolding as if it was a movie. To me the fears and frustrations of my business associates are illusions, the so called disrespectful treatment of some by others is an illusion, and my financial peril is an illusion.

What am I going to do about this potentially disastrous conflict amongst my business associates? For the moment, I don't feel inspired to do anything to resolve the deadlock.

There are other tasks related to this business that I have been performing, that I want to perform, and that I am continuing to perform.

As a matter of fact, I love this business. That's the paradoxical thing about it. I enjoy the business. I appreciate the people who are in it with me. This is exactly where I want to be.

If this was the only expansion that took place on my journey, the introduction to the Busting Loose model already would have been an incomparable gift.

Angel

Living in reactive mode is starting to feel more normal to me.

I recently have moved into a new apartment that is situated in a lovely, wooded spot. You can get some sense of the setting from the posts entitled If you go down to the woods today and Chase River Cathedral in my cohousing blog.

My decision to buy into this project in August 2008 in itself was the result of living in reactive mode. My involvement in Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community has been quite the ride in the Earth Amusement Park. It has been, and continues to be, scary from a financial point of view. It has had its challenging moments in terms of interpersonal relationships. But, on balance, I love it to bits.

Perhaps it was because I was in the throes of decorating my apartment that my thoughts turned last night to a wooden sculpture I'd seen on the website of my brother, George Kockott. The piece is called Angel.

I first spotted the work a few months ago, when my siblings and I were tossing around ideas for a joint gift for my mother's 80th birthday. We briefly discussed purchasing one of George's sculptures for her. However, much as she admires George's creativity, she herself does not feel drawn to most of his work. Besides that, she's at a stage of life at which she is trying to divest herself of stuff rather than accumulating it. So we opted instead for a big photo collage of her life. One of my sisters-in-law, Vanda, did a wonderful job of that.

In any event, back when I was looking at George's online catalogue with my mom in mind, Angel had jumped out at me. Last night I remembered the piece and thought, "Wouldn't it be cool to incorporate Angel into my set up here at Pacific Gardens? But I'd be surprised if that's possible. I'd expect someone to have bought her by now."

Notwithstanding my doubts, I emailed George and asked him if, by some chance, Angel still was on the market. This morning I woke up to an email from George's wife, Claire, letting me know that Angel was available. She kindly offered to get a quote for shipping the piece from East London, South Africa to Nanaimo, Canada.

I am tickled to hear that I can have Angel. I have no idea where I'll put her when she arrives. Nonetheless, I am sure that she will fit beautifully into this setting.

Another thing about her is that, while George has called her Angel, that's not how I see her. I don't yet know what she means to me. I have an inkling that I somehow find her symbolic of me, but I haven't yet unpacked the reasons for that.

All I know for now is that I enjoy the prospect of bringing her to Nanaimo.

Money Game

One of the subsets of the Human Game that historically has generated a lot of fear in me has been the Money Game.

According to Robert Scheinfeld, when you bust loose from the Money Game, you will have direct experience of your infinite abundance. You will have absolute certainty that you'll have enough resources to go on whatever rides you like in the Earth Amusement Park.

Robert claims that, when you bust loose from a given limitation, you will know you have reached the busting loose point. Furthermore, there will be no going back. You permanently will keep the power you have gained in that area.

I suppose busting loose is like riding a bicycle. Once you know how to do it, you always know.

According to Robert's experience and the experience of other Phase 2 Players of whom he is aware, busting loose from the Money Game does not necessarily result in your becoming a billionaire (although it doesn't necessarily preclude that possibility either). How your own busting loose journey will unfold will depend on what will be most enjoyable to your Expanded Self.

Apparently many Phase 2 Players experience what Robert refers to as "just in time delivery" of the money they need to play the Human Game in the way that they want to play it. Robert says that, once you bust loose from the Money Game, you have what he refers to as Cosmic Overdraft Protection.

I have not reached the Busting Loose point as far as the Money Game -- or any other arena of life -- is concerned. But I do seem to have had what Robert refers to as "cookies." They are experiences that provide you with a hint of what life will be like after you have reached the busting loose point in one arena or another. One of the purposes of a cookie is to reinforce your faith in the Busting Loose phenomenon and to motivate you to continue using the Phase 2 tools.

Back in December 2008, I became aware that someone whom I knew was in difficulty and needed money in order to get out of a pickle. Although I could not afford to help them out, I felt drawn to offer them the money that it would take to get them over the hump. If an accountant or a bank manager or anyone else from the mainstream financial services industry had looked at my situation and had seen the amount of money I was giving away, they would have said I was committing financial suicide.

Well, actually, they would have thought I'd already gone off the deep end when I'd separated from my husband and implemented my dream of buying into a cohousing community in Coastal British Columbia back in August 2008. But, as far as they would have been concerned, that gift of money in December would have been the straw that really would have broken the camel's back.

Once you enter Phase 2, part of the process involves living in reactive mode and doing what you feel inspired to do. For a Phase 2 Player, the assumption is that your desires are messages from your Expanded Self. Although my confidence in the Busting Loose principles still was wobbly back then, I listened to my impulse, and provided the financial assistance that I felt drawn to provide.

Another desire that I could not afford to fulfill was to travel to Africa in June and July 2009 to participate in a family reunion to celebrate my mother's 80th birthday. But I thought, "Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead," and started making enquiries about air tickets.

Within a couple of days of committing to provide financial assistance to the person who was in difficulty, I heard that I would be receiving some money. I already knew that a distant family member whom I had never met -- a third cousin twice removed or something like that -- recently had died. A new piece of information was that she had been wealthy, a fact to which she had not hinted while she'd been alive. In her will, she had named my mother as one of the beneficiaries of her estate. My mom, in turn, was kind enough to distribute much of the money she received to her children and her favourite charities.

The amount of money that came to me from my distant cousin was enough to reimburse me for the money I'd given to the person who had encountered a significant challenge and to cover the costs of my trip to Africa in June and July 2009.

Then early this year, 553080 BC Ltd, the real estate development company that has built the Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community project, ran into financial difficulty. 553080 BC Ltd was forced to ask its shareholders, of whom I was one, to give whatever assistance they could afford. This could be done by purchasing debentures, which was a way of lending the company money.

This time the amount of money that was required was more than had been needed in the other case I cited. Again, I could not afford it. As the amount of assistance that was needed this time was larger, I felt even more afraid than I had felt in the previous case. But again I felt inspired to give money, so that's what I did.

Shortly after that, the executor of our distant cousin's estate informed my mom that a previously unknown asset had been discovered and that he would need to distribute the equity amongst the beneficiaries. Astonishingly, the value of this previously unknown asset was larger than the value of the originally known estate. My mom again shared the proceeds with her children, still more charities, and her grandchildren as well. This time the share that I received covered the loan that I had made to 553080 BC Ltd.

More recently, I had been wondering how I was going to furnish my apartment at Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community when we finally got an occupancy permit and I was allowed to move in. Construction costs had increased, and we shareholders of 553080 BC Ltd were being asked to pay more for our apartments than we had expected. The increase in the asking price of my apartment would swallow up the budget I had earmarked for furniture and decorating.

At the beginning of September 2009, a couple of days before the City of Nanaimo granted Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community an occupancy permit, I heard I would be receiving still another windfall. My mom told me that the executor of our cousin's estate had told her he would be releasing money he previously had held back for estate taxes. After all tax bills had been cleared, he found that there was money left over in the holdback account. He shortly would be distributing that money to the beneficiaries. My mom told me that she would divide the money amongst her children and an additional charity. When she told me what my share would be, I was delighted to realize it would make the difference between furnishing my apartment with Salvation Army specials and furnishing it with what I wanted.

The part of my brain that was informed by my old paradigm -- what Robert Scheinfeld calls Phase 1 residue -- went into overdrive. It screamed at me not to spend my windfall on something as frivolous as decorating. It told me I should be adding the money to my tiny nest egg so that I could use it on a rainy day. But the thing is, I want to spend the money on decorating, so that's what I'm doing. I might add that I'm enjoying decorating.

In the meantime, the trolley that's propelling me through the Money Ride in the Earth Amusement Park continues to lurch over bumps and careen around corners. I regularly experience heart stopping moments. In the storyline, 553080 BC Ltd is far from being out of the woods.

Although I feel sucked in by the drama, I also believe that it's an illusion. I just keep plugging away, living in reactive mode and using the Phase 2 tools that I have faith will propel me to the Busting Loose point.

If nothing else, I find that living in the now is more fun than living in fear of future horrors that may or may not transpire.

Divine Protection

Yesterday evening was a very intense time for me. Looking at things from a Phase 1 point of view, I heard some disconcerting news that had negative implications for my financial future.

I dealt with the situation by telling myself the Truth about it, as I understood the Truth from a Phase 2 perspective. That is, the so called problem was an illusion. According to my beliefs, my Expanded Self has popped the situation into my hologram to give me an opportunity to use the tools that will bust me loose from the limitations of Phase 1.

According to the Busting Loose model, everything that shows up in my hologram has been placed there by my Expanded Self. Furthermore, my Expanded Self will never place into my hologram anything that is too much for me to handle. However difficult my so called challenges are, they always will be ones that I have the capacity to deal with.

Interestingly enough, this is similar to a notion that I have heard with respect to Phase 1 teachings as well. There is a saying that God will never give me a cross that is too heavy for me to carry. In thinking about that, I'm reminded of a poem from the Phase 1 world. "Lord" is not a term that I am wont to use these days but, otherwise, I resonate with Mary Stevenson's "Footprints in the Sand."

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”

Bad Behaviour

Ah yes, this happens from time to time. It happened again yesterday. People around me behaved badly.

Although I was not one of the main players in the argument, I felt upset when I saw one person's behaviour "hurting" another person. Then I felt even more upset when the "victim" included me in the group of people who, she implied, had failed to protect her.

It was an ideal opportunity to tell the Truth, as it's understood in the Busting Loose model.

There are no other people. They are all illusions. My Expanded Self has created everything that shows up in my hologram. So called other people have no independent decision making authority in my hologram. They do exactly what my Expanded Self tells them to do.

There is no good or bad. Whether it's so called good or so called bad, it's an illusion. What makes it seem good or bad to me is my judgement about it. Judgement is the glue that holds the illusion together.

I cannot be hurt, and neither can anyone else. Although I experience the illusion of being a Player in the illusion, I am an infinite being. As an infinite being, it is impossible for me to experience anything but profound joy. When I experience a so called negative emotion, it is True Joy in disguise.

When I first encountered these ideas, it took quite a while for me to wrap my mind around them. I still don't understand them or fully accept them. But they are coming to make more and more sense to me. I believe them enough to be able to say that I am a committed Phase 2 Player.

The more I accept the explanation embodied in the Busting Loose model, the more I appreciate the Oscar-worthy performances of the actors who play out the scripts that my Expanded Self has handed them. They are providing me with opportunities to use the tools that will bust me loose from Phase 1 limitations.

Then I will be able to continue living in the illusion, but without being bound by the limitations of the illusion. According to my understanding, once I'm living in the hologram in an expanded state in which I have escaped the limitations of the illusion, I'll be living in Heaven on Earth.

After my Expanded Self feels she and I (the Player) have had enough fun in the Earth Amusement Park, I will stop playing the Human Game, and I'll return to Infiniteland.

Although I believe that such a phenonmenon as the Busting Loose point exists, I have not yet experienced it. I still find myself being sucked in by the illusion. When I witnessed the bad behaviour to which I referred above, I defaulted to the emotions that I historically have experienced in situations like that.

I felt sorry for the victim, I felt ashamed and trapped when the victim implied I'd failed to intervene, and I wanted to escape from the situation. I didn't just want to run away from the immediate scene. Moving away from the city was something that momentarily crossed my mind.

But I didn't run. I stayed where I was and told myself the Truth as I understood it. As I told myself the Truth, I experienced a shift in my emotions. I felt myself starting to appreciate the actors in my hologram. People have different words for that level of appreciation. I call it love.

The Law of Attraction

I have tried a number of different self-development approaches, including visualization. These approaches rely on me to be proactive. They go something like this. I picture something I want.

Let's say, just for example, I want a house. I am encouraged to visualize in as much detail as possible what that house looks like. Perhaps I'm encouraged to draw the house. Perhaps I'm encouraged to cut out photos from magazines and paste them onto a vision board.

Then, having done that, I'm encouraged to hold the vision of that very specific house in my mind. The hypothesis is that, if I visualize effectively enough, the house will be manifested in my life.

I do not believe that. Rather, I believe in the Busting Loose model.

According to the Busting Loose model, there is no effort that I, the Player in the hologram or illusion, can put forth that will create anything. It is my Expanded Self who creates everything that shows up in my life.

In the Phase 1 world, there are many sayings that are True. When we're immersed in the Phase 1 illusion, however, we often miss the Truth in those sayings. One of these sayings that I recall and that I believe to be True is, "Man proposes; God disposes." In the case of that saying, "man" represents to me the Phase 1 Player, and "God" represents the Expanded Self.

Living in the hologram, I (the Player) can run around and do all kinds of stuff. I may think that I achieve results, but in fact all of those results come from my Expanded Self.

For example, I may submit myself to a certain kind of medical treatment, and I may appear to be healed. However, the health practitioners who appeared to treat me and the modalities that they appeared to use did nothing to create the result that I call "feeling better."

It was my Expanded Self who created the result and who used the health practitioners and the treatment modalities to create a storyline that felt plausible to me, the Player. If my Expanded Self had preferred, she could have created the outcome of healing with the snap of a finger, so to speak.

In the example of the house, mentioned above, I know a woman who lives in a beautiful house that overlooks the ocean and that exactly fits the vision she had when she participated in a workshop in which she drew her dream house. She believes that she succeeded in getting the Law of Attraction to work for her. According to my belief system, though, she got the house because her Expanded Self gave it to her, along with a storyline that felt plausible to her.

The Busting Loose model does not involve long term planning. Playing the Phase 2 Game involves living in reactive mode. You get up in the morning, you ask yourself what you want to do, and you do it. You trust your Expanded Self to figure out where your life is going.

There is one qualification that may be helpful to someone who is new to the Busting Loose material. You may be asking yourself about logistics that involve the future. For example, I currently am in discussions with my sons, who live in Calgary, about whether or not they will visit me in Nanaimo over Christmas, which is more than three months away.

According to the Busting Looose model, it is fine to issue or accept invitations to future events and to put into place arrangements that will enable you to participate in those events. However, at the moment that you make the decision whether or not to issue or accept the invitation, you live in reactive mode. You ask yourself whether or not you want to participate in the event, and you issue or respond to the invitation accordingly.

If you agree to participate in a future event and, before the event takes place, you no longer want to participate in it, you contact anyone who may be affected and tell them you have changed your mind. Robert Scheinfeld reports that, since he has been living in reactive mode, the number of occasions on which he has cancelled engagements has been small. He says his experience is that, if he was living in reactive mode when he made the commitment, more often than not he feels like fulfilling the commitment when the time comes.

I must admit that, for me, the notion of reactive mode seemed seriously weird when I first encountered it. Actually, I'm still getting used to it. It is so very different from the proactive approach, which I've believed in for decades.

This blog is an example of my new life in reactive mode. I woke up one morning, and felt it would be fun to create a new blog. I chose a name, created the blog, and typed the first post. The next day, I typed another post. The day after that, I typed yet another post.

I have no idea whether or not I will publish a post tomorrow. If I do publish a post tomorrow, I have no idea what it will be about. I have no idea how long I will maintain this blog. I have no idea in which direction this blog is going and to which other things, if any, it may lead.

My Incomparable Dad

In explaining the Busting Loose model, Robert Scheinfeld asserts that, if you choose to enter Phase 2 of the Human Game, your Expanded Self will take you on a tour and show you specific ways in which illusions were created that convinced you, an infinite being, that you were limited.

I felt sceptical when I first heard that claim. However, I recently had an Aha moment in which the structure of one of those illusions was revealed to me. Actually, it had been revealed to me earlier, when I had viewed it through a Phase 1 lens. What felt fascinating to me recently was to look at it again through a Phase 2 lens.

The insight involved the creation that I had called my father.

ONCE UPON A TIME

In the storyline, my dad had dyslexia, and experienced a lot of shame around that. His sense of limitation was locked in by his father who never went to any of the sports events in which he excelled but who only lambasted him for doing poorly in school.

When my parents married, my mom colluded with my dad to hide his dyslexia. My dad, who managed a cattle ranch and sugar cane and citrus plantation, worked outdoors, while my mom stayed indoors and did the administrative tasks. My mom must have done a good job of downplaying her role, presumably to protect my dad's ego. As I was growing up, I received the impression that the important work was what my dad did outdoors. I received the impression that the administrative work was secondary.

Another element of this story that I find interesting is my parents' secretiveness. My mom told me about my dad's dyslexia when I was nearly forty. It had been the proverbial elephant in our living room.

From a Phase 1 point of view, this was tragic. Even in the Phase 1 world, enough progress has been made with respect to learning disabilities that this sort of thing shouldn’t be an issue now. But, in my dad’s day, it created “suffering,” not only for him but for subsequent generations of our family.

AN INSIGHT

About ten years ago, I remembered an incident involving my dad and my brother, William, when he had been about seven and I’d been about ten. My dad sometimes used to take one or other of us kids with him when he visited the sugar cane fields and cattle stations on the plantation and ranch that he managed in Swaziland. To do this, he drove his Land Rover for miles, sometimes through rough bush.

One day, when we were sitting down to lunch, my mom said, "Claude, where's Billy?" My dad turned around and said, "I don't know. I had him with me this morning. Oh gosh, I must have forgotten him when I was out and about."

No one said any more about it. My parents were amazingly casual about us kids. Mind you, even Canadian friends of my age tell me that, when they were kids, they would disappear for hours in summer. As long as they were home for supper by six o’clock, their mothers didn't worry. Be that as it may, when he was forgotten on that huge farm, Billy faced a walk of many miles in order to get home.

I remember a tired looking Billy walking up the driveway in the late afternoon. I remember my mom looking up and casually remarking, "Oh, Billy, there you are." I don't remember anyone making a fuss. I don't remember my mom running to Billy with outstretched arms and exclaiming, "Oh my goodness, Billy, you're all right!"

When I recalled that incident about ten years ago, it seemed to me that it was connected to Billy's intelligence. By this time, I knew about my dad’s dyslexia and his deep sense of shame about it. I remembered that my dad seemed to have been threatened by clever people. I recalled his habit of saying things like, "Don't be such a Smart Aleck," and, "You're too smart for your own boots." I also recalled how quick witted Billy had been as a kid and what a sharp sense of humour he had had.

At the time that I had this insight in 1999, my husband, sons and I were living in Melbourne during my husband's two-and-a-half year work assignment in Australia. William had emigrated to Australia several years previously. I saw William nine times during my two-and-a-half year sojourn in Australia. Seven of those occasions were weekends during which I participated in a series of self-development workshops that he ran.

During an early morning walk in the forest, I said, "William, I think Dad tried to kill you. Not deliberately, of course. I'm sure that, at a conscious level, it was an accident. I think Dad used to say, metaphorically, 'Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is smartest of us all?' I think that one day the mirror replied, 'Billy is the smartest of you all.' I think that explains why Dad forgot you during his rounds on the farm."

William said that that indeed was the sense that he had. He said it was felt meaningful to him that another family member had recognised the dynamic and was acknowledging his reality.

A FOLLOW UP INSIGHT

Fast forward to May 2009, when I participated in a workshop called The Wall. It was run by a company called Excellence Seminars. Although it was what I would call a Phase 1 creation, I got tremendous value from it.

The agenda of The Wall is to assist the participant in identifying his or her driving needs. Armed with that information, the participant is equipped to identify his or her life purpose. The workshop is comprised of a number of exercises that help the participant to tease out those insights.

During The Wall it emerged that my driving needs were connection (with others and nature), understanding (in the sense of unraveling what made human beings and society tick), and recognition (for my accomplishments). One thing that mystified me, though, was why I had done so little to achieve recognition. If anything, I had gone out of my way to avoid it. I had married a man with a strong personality, and had lived in his shadow for 35 years. This did not jive with the hypothesis that driving needs are those needs that a person will fulfill no matter what.

On the last day of The Wall, I had an epiphany experience. I realised that the threat of death hadn't applied only to William, as I originally had thought. In one way or another, all four of us kids had received the message that it was life-threatening to be smart.

I recalled the period in August / September 2008 in which I had separated from my husband, invested in Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community in Nanaimo, and driven from Calgary to the British Columbia coast. I remembered the exhilaration I'd experienced as I'd driven westwards through the Rocky Mountains in gloriously sunny autumn weather.

But I also remembered the terror that I had felt. Yes, I had been afraid that I was taking financial risks during a period of my life in which it would be difficult to recover if my investments went sideways. But the fear of the potential economic consequences was not enough to explain the existential terror that I had felt as I had driven away from my old life in Calgary towards my new life in Nanaimo.

During The Wall, I realised that, in separating from my husband and creating a new life in which I would have an independent identity, with opportunities to shine, I had broken a taboo. A parallel example in mythology was Bluebeard's bride, who risked murder when she unlocked the door to the forbidden room in the castle.

No wonder I felt a level of terror that was disproportional to the risk I was taking when I moved to Vancouver Island. If you look at Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, the drive to stay alive trumps the needs for achievement, respect, creativity, etc.

DOUBLE WHAMMY

Now, if you think that was a dandy of a Phase 1 set up, it was only half the story. While my dad felt threatened by intelligence, my mom despised stupidity. I remember her saying in a tone of contempt, "Oh, for goodness sake, stop being so stupid!"

Actually, come to think of it, that may have been another reason for my mom's colluding in hiding my dad's dyslexia from the world. She may not have wanted anyone to find out that my dad was "stupid." In fact, my dad was very far from stupid. He was brilliantly innovative in the arena of agriculture, and later went on to become a consummate statesman.

But, to return to my story, I recall my childhood as one in which I walked a fine line. I avoided being clever enough to annoy my dad, and simultaneously avoided being stupid enough to annoy my mom. Wow, even from a Phase 1 perspective, I had to have been pretty slick to manage that.

Still, when push came to shove, the threat from my dad felt greater than the threat from my mom. I wanted my mom's approval, to be sure. But, if she disapproved of me, all that would happen would be that she would despise me. When it came to my dad, however, the worst case scenario might be death. That seems far fetched in the cold light of day, but I'm relaying how I experienced life as a small child dealing with a bad tempered man who appeared to me to be a giant.

THE PLAYERS TODAY

William's training has some similarities with Robert Scheinfeld's Busting Loose model. I did not make the ultimate breakthrough when I studied under William in 1999. However, I believe the work I did back then prepared me to be receptive to the Busting Loose model when I encountered it in 2008.

I’m delighted for William that his book, The Magician’s Way, which already is the best selling metaphysical book in Australia, will be available from Amazon on October 1st, 2009.

What about my dad? Even from the Phase 1 point of view, I feel as if I have come to terms with his memory. At times he was angry. But he also had some wonderful qualities, and I loved him very much.

Now that I view my parents from a Phase 2 point of view, I marvel at their Oscar-worthy performances as they enacted the scripts my Expanded Self handed them. Boy oh boy, were they ever supportive in locking in the illusion of limitation and helping me to pull off my Phase 1 Miracle.

In the storyline, my mom still is alive. My Expanded Self continues to hand her some "interesting" scripts from time to time. But she increasingly is playing that other role that our creations fulfill, which is to provide us with opportunities for fun in the Earth Amusement Park. There are occasions now on which I experience her as a delightful creation.

I deeply appreciate the creations called my parents. I also appreciate my Expanded Self, who created (and still is creating) simulations that make the Star Trek holodeck look amateurish by comparison.

Cohousing meets Phase 2

The Busting Loose model has challenged many of my original reasons for seeking out a cohousing community.

In a post entitled Chase River Cathedral on my cohousing blog, I described how I'd delighted in my first visit to the stream at the edge of the Pacific Gardens property and how strongly that allure had informed my decision to invest in the project.

But I also had seen cohousing as a cure for many of the world's ills. That had motivated my search for a cohousing community long before I'd gotten to the stream.

When I joined Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community, moved to Nanaimo, and immersed myself in the project, my knowledge and awareness of the ramifications of cohousing grew.

If you believe the world is broken and needs to be repaired, as I did in Phase 1, cohousing promises many solutions. I believed that cohousing had positive implications for social relationships, personal health, the environment and several other spheres of life.

But what happens if you start working from the premise that problems are illusions and that nothing needs to be changed, fixed or improved? According to Robert Scheinfeld, you live in reactive mode. You wake up in the morning, and ask yourself, "What do I want to do today?"

If you are startled at the prospect of living in reactive mode, you are not alone. The vast majority of the self-improvement literature and workshops I'd previously encountered had set great store by being proactive.

Well, be that as it may, I am practicing living in reactive mode. This morning, when I woke up, I asked myself, "What do I want to do today?" What I found myself answering was, "I want to go on the Cohousing Ride in the Earth Amusement Park."

Another way I sometimes picture this is that I'm a preschooler, and I ask myself which game I'd like to play when my friends and I pretend to be grown ups. So far the answer has been the same. I have wanted to play the Cohousing Game.

When it comes down to it, I appreciate my cohousing community more than I can say. I appreciate my fellow Pacific Gardeners, our property, our building, and my apartment.

I spent today where I wanted to spend it. I spent today with people with whom I wanted to spend it. I spent today doing what I wanted to do.

I can attest that today was a singular experience.

You have got to be kidding !!!

One of the most difficult things for me to believe about Robert Scheinfeld's Busting Loose model was his assertion that life was a game. He often refers to it as the Earth Amusement Park.

He claims that we are Expanded Beings with infinite power, infinite knowledge and infinite wisdom. Essentially he's saying that we are God or, if you prefer, god-like beings.

According to Robert, one day I was hanging out in Infiniteland, as he calls it, and mused, "Hey, I wonder what it would be like to be limited." I then created a reality in which I would be limited, and parachuted myself into it.

This premise is akin to the concept of the holodeck, if you're familiar with the Star Trek : The Next Generation television series. Through voice commands, Starfleet personnel were able to conjur up very realistic simulations into which they could enter. For entertainment, they could recreate a historical period and place that appealed to them. For example, I remember an episode in which Captain Picard popped himself into the world of his favourite fictional detective.

In the Star Trek episodes, Starfleet personnel knew that they were in a computer simulation. The simulated characters, however, believed that everything was real. When there was a threat in the storyline, the simulated characters genuinely felt themselves to be in danger, and experienced all of the emotions that went along with that.

Now, coming back to this world ....... To convince the part of me that became the Player in the Earth Amusement Park of my "handicaps," my Expanded Self had to make the illusion of limitation look extremely convincing. It takes very sexy special effects to persuade an infinite being that he or she is limited. That massively successful lie is what Robert refers to as the Phase 1 Miracle.

To pull off the Phase 1 Miracle, my Expanded Self plonked me into this alternative reality as a vulnerable baby who was dependent on others for food, warmth, mobility, emotional nurture, and so on. If the Phase 1 limitations were going to be locked in properly, the special effects had to be pretty darn good. My Expanded Self created adult care givers who "abused" me and "neglected" me enough to ensure that the part of me that was the Player in the Earth Amusement Park experienced psychological wounds.

I must admit that this is one of the concepts that has been most difficult for me to accept as I have studied the Busting Loose material. If I am to believe this, then it follows that war, murder, rape, torture, poverty, famine, revolutions, dictatorships, natural disasters, sickness, stock market meltdowns, unemployment, and all of the other so called "bad" things in the world are illusions.

At first it seemed absolutely crazy for an infinite being, who could enjoy infinite power, infinite abundance, and infinite joy to volunteer to experience pain. Why would anyone take on suffering if he or she didn't have to?

But, when I stopped to think about it, I realised that, even in the world that is familiar to us, some people volunteer to take on challenges that strike most of us as insane. Just watch the movie called Touching the Void, and ask yourself why on Earth anyone would want to do alpine mountaineering.

Even at a much simpler level, why have children always designed games in which they have created limitation? Why do they tie scarves over their eyes and play Blind Man's Bluff or Pin The Tail On The Donkey? Why do two people tie their legs together and compete in a Three-Legged Race?

I must conclude from all these examples that we human beings enjoy challenges. We'll even go so far as to create them when they don't exist.

As time has passed, I have come to accept that infinite beings are like us Players here in the Earth Amusement Park. Infinite beings also find fun in challenges. I have come to believe that they too take them on voluntarily.

The time eventually came for me at which that was the only explanation that could make sense of the human condition. Without that premise, I would consider myself to be in a crazy-making set up.

Back in my Phase 1 days, I used to say, half jokingly and half seriously, "Stop the world; I want to get off." If my belief in the Busting Loose model has done nothing else, it has helped to make it fun for me to be here.

Down the rabbit hole

My entry point to the Busting Loose material was an audio archive of a telephone interview with Robert Scheinfeld that I heard on one of T. Harv Eker's websites. That was in August 2008. At the time, I was trying to escape from a feeling of financial insecurity and powerlessness, and was immersing myself in Eker's book, "The Secrets of the Millionaire Mind" and related workshops.

What Robert Scheinfeld said in the interview seemed to me represent a quantum leap that left the Millionaire Mind material in the dust. Robert's message deeply intrigued me. At the earliest opportunity, I bought his book, "Busting Loose from the Money Game." I stayed up late, and read it all in one go.

The book, in turn, fascinated me so much that I ordered the Money Game DVD set and watched it during a marathon weekend. By this time "fascinated" did not even begin to describe how I felt. I joined the Phase 2 Player Community website, and listened to the archives of the audio Discourses that Robert publishes once a month. Those hours and hours of Discourses still did not satisfy my appetite for information about the process for accessing Phase 2 of the Human Game.

Around that time I seized the opportunity to register for Robert's five-day workshop entitled "A Path to True Joy" in Sedona, Arizona in October 2008. There my understanding of the Busting Loose process expanded to some extent, I met some interesting workshop participants, and I delighted in the physical surroundings of Sedona.

Most of all, I enjoyed meeting Robert. He struck me as personable and sincere. I was impressed with how approachable he was. For example, his workshop was small, and he took his meals with us participants. This made it feasible to chat with him one-on-one.

From the amount of time and money I invested in absorbing Robert's teachings, you probably can tell that I resonated very strongly with his philosophy. Nonetheless, I found that embracing Robert's message required a leap of faith that was beyond me at the time. It was as if I was standing at the edge of a canyon and someone was asking me to jump across it. My legs froze, metaphorically speaking. Instead, I did it the slow, arduous way. I climbed down into the bottom of the canyon and up the other side.

Even after the significant level of commitment involved in participating in the "Path to True Joy" workshop, in many ways I continued to live in the Phase 1 illusion, gripped by its limitations, terrors, sorrows and frustrations.

But, somehow or other, I clung onto my faith in the existence of the True Joy state. Even during moments of despair, I implemented the practices that Robert advocated. I felt bound by the Phase 1 limitations, but I implemented the Phase 2 Process anyway.

Over the month of August 2009, a year after I'd first encountered Robert's material, I felt an expanding sense of having reached the opposite edge of the canyon, panting and perspiring so to speak. I do not feel as if I have reached the Busting Loose point as such. However, the bonds of Phase 1 feel as if they have loosened sufficiently that I have an unshakable faith that such as phenomenon as Phase 2 exists.

I now regard myself as a committed Phase 2 Player, even if I have not reached the Busting Loose point.